How to find a girlfriend for a programmer ? Advice from Itlove++

For over a year there has been a discussion on one well-known programmers forum under the heading “ Where do you find girls  for a programmer? ”. When one thread of the forum starts to slow down from the number of comments in the thread, the participants make a new one.

We see the same thing in the movies: Neo from "The Matrix" did not want to go to a nightclub, but following the white rabbit, he stupidly stood at the wall until Trinity. Leonard from "The Big Bang Theory" does not understand why Penny meets with pumped up thugs, not burdened with high IQ, and Kootrapali, finding himself face to face with a representative of the opposite sex, is completely speechless. Allan Turing did not understand the meaning of flirting (although he “played for a different team”).

It turns out that the problem has 2 sides:

1. Introverted guys, for whom this is critical, cannot understand why it does not work out specifically,
2. And those guys who do not experience such difficulties cannot clearly formalize their experience and simply comment with the words of Barney Stinson (from the famous TV series “ How I Met Your Mother ”): “ When I’m sad, I stop being sad and become cool ”. In general, there is no transfer of useful knowledge.

Let's try to correct this situation as far as we can, and start at least with the awareness if there is any special feature among engineers with their analytical mindset, what this feature is and what to do with it.

To solve this problem, we created the  itlove.in project .




To begin with, a small PDF book "Itlove++ Theory and practice. Motivation for action" was written , which is essentially a compilation of ideas from several scientific areas, refracted from the angle of applicability specifically for IT specialists. The idea to arrange some of the provisions in the form of a book was not chosen by chance - we, programmers, love formalization. So far, this does not pull on RFCs, and we decided to limit ourselves to the manual reference format :)

Then, for a couple of months now, we have been working on an online course that will mainly enable programmers to increase their EQ (emotional intelligence) level and thus help with solving a painful problem.

Next, March 17we are holding a webinar, where we will meet those who are interested in our project, and share the basic principles of the system of integrated work on ourselves, which we dubbed “itlove.in” (Itlove++).

itlove.in. This is a play on words. that is difficult to explain to non-programmers, but it brings a smile to the programmers themselves - and this is the main thing. Engineers love "manuals" - a set of descriptions of how a particular system works. In fact, itlove.in (Itlove++) is a manual about how a programmer is "arranged" - what are our strengths and weaknesses and how to develop them. And understanding your inner constitution will greatly help guys when communicating with girls.

But in fact, we are being a little cunning. It's not just about communicating with girls. It's about communication in general. Too abstract-minded IT specialists often find it difficult to “sell” a new idea to colleagues at a meeting, cleverly negotiate with the authorities about the need for refactoring, make a public speech, show themselves in an interview not only as a specialist, but also as a person. A recent article on one programmer site is titled "Some geeks will never be good speakers - thank goodness." Ask the programmer to tell a joke - and you will understand what is at stake.

In my opinion, this is due to 2 reasons.

The first is general programming: in a clever way it is called “professional deformation”. Programmers get too carried away with the exact sciences without developing their communication skills too much. Look at Sheldon Cooper from The Big Bang Theory - a totally antisocial genius. Thank God it's grotesque.

In other words, programmers idealize IQ (intelligence quotient) while underperforming in terms of EQ (emotional intelligence).

The second problem is ours, local. We all suffer from the Soviet collective farm mentality. Poke any industry, and you will see that our people simply do not know how to communicate and like them in an amicable way (and, as a consequence, provide a service). In the store and in a taxi you will be easily spoiled, in the state. institutions will speak downrightly; in the office, colleagues often wash bones. Look, with what haggard faces people sit in the subway.

Will it be easy for you in such a musty environment to decide to approach someone unfamiliar just to talk? We have to teach people to smile.

You notice the difference as soon as you go abroad. In the post-Soviet Union, people in the shell of distrust look from under their foreheads, do not open up. Europeans, on the other hand, will almost always be polite and friendly with a stranger, so it's not a question at all to come up and talk to someone new.

That is why itlove.in is a short course in complex programmer development. Comprehensive development includes work in 5 areas: appearance, internal state, own status, as well as what and how a person says. You can learn more about them in the free PDF book on our website. "Advice    from Itlove++ Theory and practice. Motivation for action"

Remember, Luke Skywalker at the beginning of "Star Wars" is a brooding, not too self-confident Tatooine collective farmer who knows how to repair droids, who almost kicked in the face in the very first bar and loses in all respects in a dispute over a girl to the charismatic smuggler Han Solo, and in in the end he is a knight without fear and reproach in all black. He has worked out both the external form and the internal content. And how he will apply his skills further depends on him.

Is this course for programmers? Yes. The fact is that programmers today, like no other category of people, have an “hour of the day” engaged in self-development. We're just offering a specific set of exercises. Therefore, in the beginning, we even give a small test to get rid of random onlookers.

On the one hand, you won't be able to wake up as a “rock star” the very next morning.
But, from our experience, the acquired skills help:

• when passing an interview or interview,
• during a speech at a conference,
• when you need to convey your idea to the team,
• when communicating in any format,
• not to mention communicating with the opposite sex.